“Good Enough” in Survival vs. Flourishing: How to Recognize the Difference and Move Forward

12 minutes ago8 min read

Life often presents us with moments where we must ask:

Is “good enough” truly good enough?

The answer depends on whether we’re operating in a survival state—just getting by—or a flourishing state, where we thrive physically, mentally, and emotionally. These two states look and feel very different, and understanding their distinctions can help us move from survival to flourishing.

A cozy, slightly messy space with a warm cup of tea on a table, a soft blanket, and sunlight streaming through the window, representing a moment of imperfection and play in balance with work, sleep, diet, and exercise.

The “Good Enough” of Survival

In a survival state, “good enough” means you’re keeping your head above water. It’s a baseline existence where immediate needs are met, but there’s little room for growth and genuine fulfillment. This state can be especially tempting during major life transitions, such as caring for a newborn, starting a new job, or navigating an intimate relationship. These events often come with intense demands, and it’s easy to justify putting off self-care by focusing on meeting the sharp increase of external responsibilities.

However, this state can lock you into survival mode without recognizing the need to reprioritize your well-being for the sake of your well-being as well as those around you.

Red Flags of Survival Mode

Physical Health:

You experience consistent aches or fatigue that you ignore because they don’t feel “serious enough.”
Meals are often skipped or replaced with quick, unhealthy options because “you don’t have time.”

Scenario: After starting a new job, you find yourself eating fast food at your desk every day and sacrificing sleep to catch up on emails. You insist that this is temporary and will make up for it in the future.

Mental Health:

You feel mentally scattered or overwhelmed, managing to complete daily tasks, holding it together with an internal dialogue reminding you to keep in control.
Productivity becomes about checking boxes, not meaningful engagement or creativity.

Scenario: After becoming a new parent, your days are consumed by reacting to immediate needs—changing diapers, managing feedings, and running errands. You convince yourself that putting your own needs on hold is just part of this stage of life and that prioritizing self-care can wait until things settle down.

Emotional Health:

You avoid processing emotions, opting to “push through” instead.
You rationalize emotional neglect: “At least I’m not falling apart.”

Scenario: In the midst of a new romantic relationship, you feel overwhelmed by the emotions and adjustments it brings. You tell yourself there’s no time to process your feelings because managing work deadlines and household responsibilities must come first.

Survival mode may feel justified in these moments, but sustaining this validation without reflection can catch up with you in the form of unfulfillment and chronic illness in the future.

The “Good Enough” of Flourishing

In contrast, flourishing isn’t just about avoiding crises; it’s about creating a life where your needs are met, and there’s space for growth, joy, and connection. Even in the midst of life transitions like caring for a newborn, flourishing is achievable when you prioritize a balanced approach.

Green Flags of Flourishing

Physical Health:

You feel energized most days and take proactive steps to care for your body, like regular exercise and balanced meals.
You listen to your body’s signals and address discomfort before it becomes a problem.
Scenario: After adjusting to the demands of a new baby, you schedule short walks and prepare quick, nutritious meals to maintain your energy.

Mental Health:

You’re able to focus on tasks and engage with them meaningfully, even when challenges arise.
You take breaks when needed, knowing they’ll help you return to work with clarity.
Scenario: You start a new job and, instead of overloading yourself in the first month, you set realistic goals and give yourself time to learn and adapt.

Emotional Health:

You process emotions in real-time, allowing yourself to feel and express them without shame.
You have fulfilling relationships where you feel seen and supported.
Scenario: In a new relationship, you openly communicate about stressors, creating a space where both partners feel heard and valued.

Flourishing is about finding balance in our capacity to meet external demands while also prioritizing internal demands.

Moving from Survival to Flourishing

Once you recognize the need to transition from survival mode to a state of flourishing, it can feel daunting, especially if the demands of life leave little room for reflection or change.

However, flourishing isn’t about achieving perfection or transforming your life overnight. It’s about making small, intentional adjustments that gradually build a sense of balance, joy, and fulfillment—even in the busiest or most challenging phases of life.

Consider how the following approach may help you to reflect on making small changes:

Step 1: Recognize Survival Mode

The first step toward flourishing is acknowledging where you currently stand. Survival mode can often mask itself as “pushing through” or “powering on,” but it’s characterized by persistent feelings of overwhelm, fatigue, and emotional disconnection. Ask yourself:

Am I frequently feeling exhausted or burned out?
Do I minimize my own needs, rationalizing that “there’s no time”?
Have I become emotionally numb or hyper-focused on simply getting through the day?

Recognizing these signs isn’t about judgment—it’s about awareness. Once you’re honest with yourself, you can begin to address the underlying causes of these feelings.

Step 2: Address Immediate Needs

Flourishing begins with a solid foundation. If your basic needs aren’t met, it’s nearly impossible to grow emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. Start by prioritizing your physical well-being:

Sleep: Aim for consistent rest, even if it’s not perfect. A 20-minute nap or an earlier bedtime can make a noticeable difference.
Nutrition: Incorporate small, nourishing changes, like adding a piece of fruit to your breakfast or drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning.
Rest and Recovery: Even brief moments of stillness—such as a five-minute breathing exercise or a short walk—can help reset your mind and body.

If life feels overwhelming (like during new parenthood or a job change), lean on your support network. Saying “yes” to help—whether it’s a family member babysitting, a friend bringing you a meal, or hiring a cleaner—can free up valuable time and energy for self-care.

Tip: Start small and manageable. For instance, if exercise feels impossible, stretch for just five minutes or take a single flight of stairs. Incremental changes add up.

Step 3: Create Space for Growth

Once your immediate needs are under control, begin making room for activities that nurture your emotional and mental health. Flourishing isn’t about perfection—it’s about finding moments of joy, connection, and meaning.

Hobbies: Revisit something you love but haven’t done in a while. Even dedicating 10 minutes to a hobby can reignite your sense of creativity and fulfillment.
Connection: Reach out to someone who uplifts you—a friend, family member, or mentor. Building or deepening relationships is a core component of flourishing.
Challenges: Set small, achievable goals that stretch you just a little beyond your comfort zone. This could mean learning a new skill, volunteering, or starting a project you’ve been putting off.

Tip: If you’ve started a new job, find a mentor or join a group of peers to ease your transition. Shared experiences can help you feel supported and connected while reducing stress.

Step 4: Reflect on Progress

Flourishing isn’t a destination; it’s a journey of growth, adjustment, and self-discovery. Regular self-reflection allows you to celebrate progress and identify areas that still need attention. Ask yourself:

Am I consistently meeting my physical, mental, and emotional needs?
What’s one small change I could make today to feel more balanced or fulfilled?

Reflection doesn’t have to be time-consuming. A quick journal entry, a conversation with a trusted friend, or even a quiet moment during your day can help you take stock of how far you’ve come. Recognizing small wins—like choosing a healthier meal, completing a project, or simply feeling more connected to a loved one—can fuel your motivation to continue growing.

Why Incremental Change Matters

The key to flourishing lies in consistency, not perfection. Even the smallest shifts—getting 15 extra minutes of sleep, reaching out to a friend, or spending a few minutes outdoors—can create a ripple effect that improves your overall well-being. Over time, these small actions build momentum, transforming survival mode into a flourishing state where joy, purpose, and resilience thrive.

By embracing this step-by-step process, you are giving yourself permission to grow at your own pace, one small, meaningful change at a time. Remember, flourishing isn’t reserved for a select few—it’s attainable for everyone, including you.

Choosing More Than Survival

It's important to remember that this idea of “Good enough” can exist in both a state of survival as well as a state of flourishing so it is important to check in and reflect on which state you are currently experiencing. Survival mode might keep you afloat during busy, transitional periods so do not feel like your experience in this survival state is a reflection of you or your potential; actually, it may be the opposite! Your capacity to maintain a survival state highlights your potential for flourishing.

Flourishing means creating a life where “good enough” supports your growth, resilience, and joy—even when navigating the challenges of mid-life events like starting a family or a new or challenging career. By recognizing red flags of survival mode and striving for green flags of flourishing, you can move beyond simply managing to truly thriving.

Take a moment to reflect: Where are you now, and what steps can you take to flourish? Remember, even during life’s busiest stages, you deserve more than just getting by—you deserve a life that feels vibrant, meaningful, and truly good enough.

Identifying and Measuring Physical, Mental, and Emotional Needs

Category	Criteria	1 - Not Met	2 - Partially Met	3 - Adequately Met	4 - Fully Met
Physical Needs	Nutrition	Regularly skips meals or consumes unhealthy foods; nutrient intake is insufficient.	Inconsistent meal patterns; some healthy meals, but not balanced.	Eats regular, balanced meals most days; occasional unhealthy choices.	Maintains a consistent, nutrient-rich diet tailored to individual health needs.
	Sleep	Sleeps fewer than 4–5 hours per night; chronic fatigue is evident.	Irregular sleep patterns; inconsistent quality, averaging 5–6 hours.	Typically sleeps 6–7 hours with adequate rest most nights.	Consistently sleeps 7–9 hours per night; wakes up feeling refreshed.
	Exercise and Movement	Rarely engages in physical activity; sedentary lifestyle.	Irregular exercise, with effort to move but no consistent routine.	Engages in moderate physical activity 2–3 times a week.	Regularly participates in 3–5 sessions of physical activity weekly, tailored to ability.
	Health Maintenance	Ignores or delays addressing health issues; no preventive care.	Occasionally attends to health concerns; preventive care is sporadic.	Attends medical and dental checkups as needed; manages chronic issues.	Proactively manages health through regular checkups, screenings, and self-care.
Mental Needs	Focus and Productivity	Struggles to concentrate; often overwhelmed or procrastinates.	Periodically productive but struggles with distractions or fatigue.	Completes tasks consistently with some moments of distraction.	Works with clear focus, achieves goals, and maintains effective productivity.
	Cognitive Stimulation	Rarely engages in learning or problem-solving activities.	Occasionally seeks mental challenges, but inconsistently.	Regularly engages in stimulating activities like reading, puzzles, or learning.	Actively pursues mental growth through structured challenges or creative activities.
	Stress Management	Feels overwhelmed by stress; no coping strategies in place.	Recognizes stress but has limited or inconsistent coping strategies.	Uses coping mechanisms (e.g., mindfulness, breaks) to manage stress effectively.	Proactively minimizes stress through planning, boundaries, and relaxation practices.
	Purpose and Motivation	Feels aimless or unmotivated; lacks goals or direction.	Has vague goals but struggles to maintain motivation.	Sets and pursues realistic goals with moderate consistency.	Clearly defined sense of purpose; actively works toward meaningful goals.
Emotional Needs	Emotional Awareness	Struggles to identify or express emotions; avoids processing feelings.	Recognizes emotions but has difficulty expressing or managing them.	Acknowledges and processes emotions with moderate effectiveness.	Fully aware of emotions, expresses them constructively, and seeks support when needed.
	Connection and Relationships	Feels isolated or disconnected; lacks meaningful relationships.	Engages in relationships but struggles with consistency or depth.	Maintains healthy relationships with regular social interaction.	Thrives in meaningful, supportive, and fulfilling relationships.
	Fulfillment and Joy	Rarely experiences joy or fulfillment; life feels monotonous or burdensome.	Occasional moments of happiness or contentment, but inconsistent.	Frequently experiences joy through hobbies, achievements, or social activities.	Actively seeks and regularly experiences fulfillment in life.
	Self-Worth	Feels inadequate or unworthy; relies on external validation.	Has moments of confidence but often struggles with self-doubt.	Maintains a moderate sense of self-worth with occasional challenges.	Possesses a strong sense of self-worth and values intrinsic qualities.

Scoring and Interpretation

Category Scores (sum of individual criteria scores):

Physical Needs: __ /16
Mental Needs: __ /16
Emotional Needs: __ /16

Overall Total (48 Points):

0–16: Needs not met; immediate attention required.
17–32: Partially met; requires targeted improvement.
33–48: Adequately or fully met; maintain and build on strengths.